For Once You Have Seen The Moon
From The Other Side Of The World
It Changes Your Life Forever
Author Unknown

"No one came forward"

That one statement has cut me to the core. Broken my heart in such a way that 4 days later I still can't get it out of my mind............
On monday Daniel picked up a copy of all Zane's paperwork that goes with our I600 application, this is what we send into the USE in order to get him a visa to come home on. We are praising the Lord for being at this step but are praying that the USE speeds up their process because lately they have been taking 60+ days to approve.
This use to take just a few days when you could apply for the visa in country as we did in Guatemala for Chloe, but they have changed it for Vietnam as of November and it is taking our own US Government over 2 months to approve. Meaning 2 more months that our children are in orphanages when they could be home.
We got a copy of his birth certificate, abandonment decree, Dr.'s report, nurses report, newspaper article where his abandonment announcement was ran in all the local papers,etc. As I began reading all this paperwork the tears began to flow. I guess I never realized the magnitude of emotions I would feel regarding "my abandoned child". When Chloe was born and we accepted her referral we got 6 or 7 pictures of her and her birth mother when she was being relinquished at 1 day old. I have precious pictures of her with her birth mother that some day when she is alot older I can show her if she asks questions and expects me her "Mommy" to give her answers. I will continue to tell her that "her birth mother was unable to care for her and wanted a better life for her so her Mammy (foster mother) took care of her until we could come to get her and bring her home.
But what do I tell Zane if he asks to see his paperwork? Surely I don't show him the nurses report that states, "baby boy less than 3 days old found, outside the --hospital, wrapped in a white towel, has black hair, dark skin, small eyes, infected navel, and very weak". Surely I don't show him the abandonment announcement that was ran in all the local newspapers for over 30 days, and surely I don't show him the report that says "at the end of 30 days NO RELATIVE NOR DOMESTIC CAME FORWARD WANTING THE BABY BOY NOW KNOWN AS------------!
When I read that one statement my heart hurt in such a way I almost couldn't breathe.
Not one person came forward wanting this precious gift from God.
Like Daniel said, if they had we wouldn't have him now and I completely understand that. I know that God chose us to be Zane's parents and I am eternally grateful for that, but it still hurts. I hurt for him! I hurt for his birth mother that felt so much desperation that she felt she had to leave him outside a hospital. So thankful that she did instead of some field where he would have probably died. I wonder if she went back by that same hospital to see if the baby boy that she gave birth to had been found. So many emotions. Torn between being sad because of his circumstances and being happy because he is now ours.
Once we get our miracle baby home, HE WILL NEVER BE ABANDONED AGAIN!
Please continue to pray him home!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!

Today is Zane's 1st birthday. I am trying very hard not to be sad because I am not holding him today. I look at his sweet face and I am just so thankful that he is healthy & happy. I reread my emails from J and I am so grateful that we are in such a good place in our process. I am praising the Lord that he will indeed be home soon! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZANE!!!!!!!!!!!
We love you!

You Have To Step Out Of The Boat.........

To walk on water.............
When we finally figured out that God was calling us to adopt internationally again I must admit we were a bit apprehensive. All those old doubts & fears tried to surface remembering our Guatemalan journey and then I looked down at my beautiful daughter and knew she was worth every tear shed and every sleepless night, she was worth oh so much more and I was so unworthy. God had given me the greatest gift possible and I didn't deserve her. Was I willing to do it again? ABSOLUTELY! Could I trust Him to bring our child home? WITHOUT A DOUBT!
That is the day we took hold of God's hand praising Him and stepped out of the boat.
Our Vietnam journey has been an amazing leap of faith. God has made Himself evident in so many ways that I am just awed at His marvelous grace. From the processing of our paperwork to the financing of this adoption. God has been in every aspect of it.
Not having the money was our biggest fear in the beginning but it is no longer a worry for me. We applied for many many grants and have been turned down by all of them but 2. I must admit I was a bit disappointed but felt the Holy Spirit telling me to Trust Him. My dear friend Kristin came up with the idea of making little girl hair bows and selling them. I am excited to say that we have sold over $600 worth of hair bows. Little girl hair bows are helping us bring our son home, how amazing is that. I have also sent my final copy of our cook book to the publishers and we should have them back in the next few weeks. We are trusting God to bless this fundraiser too. Instead of worrying about where the money is going to come from I am anxiously waiting to see just what else God is going to do in order to bring Zane home. I just praise Him! There's more good news! In the last few days we have found out that we are being awarded those other 2 grants. PRAISE THE LORD! One is for $3,000 and the other one is for $1,000. God is so good. We now have our adoption fees paid down to $4,350.00 and our travel. I realize that the travel is going to cost double what we owe our agency but I also know that it is nothing to God. He is whom makes the impossible possible and He is showing me every day.
I am truly honored that he choose us to walk this journey with Him. I am truly blessed that I have a beautiful son in Vietnam that is waiting on me. I have to say it again, God is so good!

Our Girls Birthday.............

Chloe turned 3 on Valentine's Day and Kaitlyn turned 12 yesterday. We celebrated by having our family over for cake and ice cream on Saturday. Where did the time go?
Kaitlyn will be a teenager this time next year, WOW!

Make Room For ME, Sissy........................

I caved in! I let my girls talk me into putting up the crib today and adding Zane's little touches to Chloe's room. We decided while they are both so young we will just keep them in the same room. I don't think with Chloe just now turning 3 she is big enough to move upstairs with my older 2, so for awhile we are just going to let them share. I am please with how it turned out and Chloe is so excited. She is begging us to get on that big plane now and go get her brother like we did her.
I am hoping that I don't regret putting it up this soon. I remember all too well how hard it is to look at a crib with no baby in it. We did that for over a year while waiting on Chloe.
Anyway, it's done now and the girls are thrilled. Praying Zane is home soon!

BEFORE......................

AFTER....................................

Our Valentine's Baby....................

I remember Valentine's Day 2005 all too well. Daniel had insisted on taking me on our traditional Valentine's Date of dinner at Lone Horn. I didn't want to go, my heart was so broken all I wanted to do was go to bed, put my head under the covers and sleep forever. It had only been a few weeks before that we had lost our 1st referral. A beautiful baby girl that we thought was to be our daughter. She was almost 4 mos. old when her birth mother changed her mind and being devastated was an understatement. We were in mourning. He insisted on us going and it is hard to tell my wonderfull husband & best friend no so I gave in.
It was as though it was yesterday, I was sitting there and just broke down and started crying like a baby. I told him all I wanted was my baby, just my baby.
Boy was that insensitive of me. He was hurting just as badly as I was, and all I could think about was me.
I had no idea that at that very moment, yes the exact moment that I was sitting in that restuarant pouring my heart out to my sweet husband, pouring my heart out to God, He was answering my prayer. For you see at that very moment Maria Fernanda was coming into this world all 8 pounds of her.
M called me 4 days later and said "I have pictures of a beautiful baby girl that was born on Valentine's Day and I would like to send you pictures." Valentine's Day?
I knew without looking at the 1st picture that she was our daughter. I called Daniel and told him to get to school immediately if he wanted to see his daughter for the 1st time with me and if he didn't hurry I was opening that email without him.
We opened that email and there in front of me was the fattest newborn I had ever seen. My older kids laugh now because the 1st few months of her life they had her nick named "Sumoo". Looking at those pictures I felt the very presence of the Lord.
I had a warm feeling come over me from the top of my head all the way to the souls of my feet, just like a soothing balm healing a broken heart. Chloe Faith Maria was born in our hearts on that day, February 18, 2005. Chosen By GOD To Be Chosen By Us!

My Sweet Sweet Baby Boy.............

Daniel picked up our videos & pictures from J yesterday and all I can say is that I love this baby boy whom I have never held, never kissed, never smelled with all my heart & soul. Hopelessly deeply in love! He is beautiful and looks so healthy.
She said he is tiny but very healthy and that he had the smoothest skin she had ever felt on a baby. She also said that he was the "Cuddler" in the baby home.
I really wanted a cuddler. He isn't walking (and I am glad) but we could see in the videos that he is close to crawling. He would scoot across the floor to get what he wanted. The lovey blanket that Kaitlyn & Chloe sent him that I was hoping he was sleeping with, I think he does more than sleep with it. There were several pictures of him holding it. I love it!

She is going to send us a more detailed email about our cases when she gets caught up. She did tell me that we are in a very good place with our case. She also said the province is working on Zane's paperwork so that our facilitator hopes to have us our I600 application within 2 weeks. I really hope it's that soon but will not be to terribly disappointed if it is longer just as long as it's not to much longer.
The I600's are taking 60 days to approve so if everything goes accordingly it is very possible for us to go get Zane in late spring/early summer.
I am praying for this but in the mean time I am just so happy and so blessed that he is ours................